Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
