You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
