wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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