The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize