I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
