Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
