She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
my liver is dry heaving
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
