There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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