how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
