I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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