"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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