WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
