Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
