**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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