Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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