he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i think my cat just said my name.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
