he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
