well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
