do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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