So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
