When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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