lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
