..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
