May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
