I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
