I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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