So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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