That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
