Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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