...so i touched it.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
