yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
