I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
