He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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