420 ftw
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
