And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize