He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
