yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
