I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
