we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
