Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize