her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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