so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I love you. Go after that dick
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
