Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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