he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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