It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
