Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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