We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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