dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
