On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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