He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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