You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
