The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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