Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
