I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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