I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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