Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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