is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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