but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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