and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
