Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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