honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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