I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
