Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
