You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
