he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i think my cat just said my name.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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