Is it normal to miss your booty call?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
