can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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