Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
