I got chris browned last night
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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