I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You took a bar mat shot.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize