can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
