I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
