butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
