I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
