FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
