I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
